What's in a name?

What does your last name say about you? In western cultures it describes where you've come from, who your family is, and who you identify with. For a man or unmarried lady, this is simple. It shows your lineage, perhaps going back centuries. It shows the world where your family got up to. The same is not necessarily true for married ladies. 

Tradition dictates that when a woman marries, she takes her husband's name. In effect she surrenders her identity in favour of her husband's. My problem with that is that who she is, or what she's become? What about her family's history and identity? Does that not matter?

More recently some women have taken to changing their surname to a double barreled variety when they get married. Using both their and their husbands surnames, this acknowledges the union of two people whilst maintaining a own identity. That's alright, even if it normally only affects the lady. The husband's name normally remains unchanged, leaving the legal necessities of a name change down to one half of the partnership.

What if there was another way that was less discriminatory? A young couple I met recently both changed their surnames when they married to a combination of their family names. One's surname was "Fan" and the other's was "Shaw". When they married they both changed their surnames to "Fanshaw". The romantic is me thinks this is a lovely way of two people agreeing to unite their pasts. It may be a genealogist's nightmare, but it signals a new beginning together.

When I married I didn't expect my wife to take my name. Why? I've always felt uneasy about the concept of engagement and wedding rings. Society expects the lady to wear a ring, but what about the man? To me this points towards a notion that the female "belongs" to the man. She's taken and off limits. My wife most definitely does not belong to me. She's her own woman with her independent thoughts. So why should she have to wear a ring to show she's taken, but I don't have to? It shrieks of misogyny.  

I was secretly pleased when my wife said she'd prefer to keep her family name once married. After all I'm proud of my family's heritage, so why shouldn't she? I like the idea of combining surnames, although it works better with shorter names. I'm less certain it would work with our names. It would be a bit of a mouthful and make filling in forms more tricky. Our status quo works for us, and that is what matters. Besides it helped eradicate a lot of post marriage administration!