I don't particularly enjoy Christmas. There, I said it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against Christmas. I enjoy bits of it, but could do without its paraphernalia. My friend's wife sums it up perfectly. "I could do without the faff." she says. I couldn't agree more.
As an introvert, I find some of the Christmas traditions a little tiresome. For example, there's pressure to be more sociable. At work it's the office Christmas party. I haven't been to one for 25 years, mainly because I like to keep my work and social life separate. Also because younger sales staff dominate most Christmas knees-ups determined to get as drunk as possible. I like a drink, but I want to remember what I got up to.
What is Christmas for me?
Christmas for me has always been about family. That suited me fine coming from a small family. Neither my sister nor I had children, so Christmas Day was a small, quiet affair. We'd meet up in one of our houses to eat, drink, and be merry before falling asleep on the sofa. It was more about spending time with people we loved. It was a quiet and circumspect day, but it was fun.
My Godson's family also got together each year. It became a tradition that on Boxing Day they'd invite members of their extended family and us over for lunch. We're old family friends going back decades, so it was good to catch up. It was a very formulaic event always ending up with silly party games for the children.
The problem was, as the children grew, the fun aspect dried up. The silly party games were now just silly. It was still good to meet up and catch up on what everyone was doing, but this could have been done in a hour or two. Drawing the event into a nine hour marathon really started to grate.
What about presents?
From early on, we had a limit on the amount we could spend on someone's present. It wasn't a massive amount, but enough to buy something useful and meaningful. It worked reasonably well, and the surprise factor of opening a present wondering what it was in the parcel rarely dulled.
The problem was that over time, the fun of choosing a present for someone disappeared. The run up to the big day was spent asking folk what they wanted, only to receive a, "Let me think about it" answer. By the time an answer was forthcoming, it meant a frantic dash to buy said gift before it went out of stock. Even worse, folk sometimes bought something they wanted, gave it to another family member to wrap it and give it back to them.
In the end, I suggested we stop buying each other presents. That went down like a lead balloon, but over the years they saw sense and the present buying stopped.
My new family
These days the Christmas Day extravaganza is even bigger. My spouse's family is big. As one of four sisters, most of whom live fairly close to each other, any family event involves close to 20 people. The requirements of such a large group, make the organised lunches of yesteryear a thing of the past. Memories of having elbow room at the table are long gone. It's all a bit manic and disorganised. As someone who likes things neat and tidy, I find this difficult.
The joke goes that you don't marry your wife, but also her family. That is certainly true. Things aren't helped by not particularly liking certain members of my wife's extended family. I wouldn't have changed my decision to marry one iota, but I wish her brother-in-law's father didn't have such racist and sexist views. He's a lovely guy, but I find myself avoiding bringing up certain topics to avoid a row.
My perfect Christmas
If I had my way, Christmas would be a quiet, gentile affair. I love the tradition of Christmas, but modern day commercialism has made us forget about what it really means. I love singing Christmas carols and hearing Christmas records on the radio. I love eating my roasted parsnips and pigs in blankets. I also like my peace and quiet, something I don't get with a large gathering. I like my space.
I'd be happy with just my wife and I alone on Christmas Day. I'd wake up and go for a run in the park. On returning home my wife would be up and after a shower we'd have a leisurely breakfast together. We'd make the obligatory phone calls to family members abroad, before cooking lunch. The rest of the day we'd play by ear. We'd do whatever took our fancy. I've been known to spend an hour or two gardening on Christmas Day!
The reality
My perfect Christmas is highly unlikely to happen. Family is very important to my wife. She's more of a social animal than me. She wants to ensure contact is maintained with our nieces and nephews as they grow up. I get this, but most are of an age where they want to be out enjoying themselves with friends rather than talking to their aunts and uncles.
As an introvert I'm not particularly keen on large gatherings. I find you can't be yourself. You have to present a version of yourself. It's all a bit formal. So I go along with the status quo. I do enjoy these occasions, but I wish that sometimes things could be different. Doing the same thing year in and year out makes the event less fun. I enjoy a bit of sponteniety. The excitement of Christmas past was the unexpected.
I sometimes wonder if part of my negativity toward Christmas is due to us not having children. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of younger family members brings some of the magic back into the season. Without that, Christmas descends into an endless spiral of tradition and commercialism. We're told you must have turkey for lunch, and watch the King's speech at 3pm. Blow that. We're all individuals with different personalities, cultures, and opinions. Let's celebrate that without forgetting what the Christmas story is about.
The religious bit, sort of!
Christmas is the biggest religious festival for Christians. It celebrates the birth of Christ. A new life. A new beginning. Even if you're not a Christian, it's this message of renewal that is important. Like Diwali for Hindus, Upavasatha for Buddists, and Eid for Muslims, you should take time to think about what's gone well and what could be done better.
More than anything, it's a time to be thankful. I always think of those less fortunate. I welcome celebrities who participate in campaigns to reach out to those on their own. I praise the landlords of a pub I know who open their doors on Christmas day to anyone on their own, giving them a free meal and a beer.
So if you've got this far, thank you for reading this post, and in the spirit of it let me know what I could do better. In the words of Tiny Tim, "Merry Christmas one and all."
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